What a difference a Decade Makes!

I was just going through some of my Affirmations I haven’t used for awhile and I found this one.

There is no loss in Spirit.  I cannot lose my good.  I have not lost my good, though I may have outgrown certain phases of it.  My good has simply changed form.  I now welcome my new good, which comes to me in God’s wise and perfect ways.  My good is now divinely restored.  My life is made beautiful again.

I stopped for a minute to reflect and couldn’t believe it has been ten years to the day since (one of the times) my life was turned upside down.  

I had been suffering terrific pain from Fibromyalgia.  I was using medication, I had taken a job closer to my home to cut down on my commute (at a considerable pay cut), I was doing all that the “book” told me to do, AND I was more miserable than I had ever been.  The pain was excruciating. I couldn’t sleep.  I was depressed.  By the time I got home from work I hadn’t the energy to get out of the car, I would just sit there and cry.

My friends and doctors had all suggested I quit work.  Well, that was just not a possibility.  My husband had just retired, although he was fortunate enough to have a great retirement plan from Los Angeles County where he had worked for 40 years.  He basically received 100% of his salary and all of our medical premiums would be paid for life.  Since he was only 60 years old, he had a part-time job, but we really needed my income to “make ends meet.”  

I was 50 years old and hadn’t planned on retiring for at least another 10 years.

Well, you know what they say, if you want to know if God has a sense of humor, tell Him your plans. But, I digress.

Ten years ago today I walked into work, (I was a family law secretary in a very busy Los Angeles law firm) and my boss called me into him office.   He told me I had to quit work because “they” couldn’t stand watching me in pain anymore.  I told him that they should see how it feels from my side!  He went on to say that I needed to file for disability and that basically it was my last day.  I was flabbergasted.  I had never been fired before.  He assured me that he wasn’t firing me, I just couldn’t work there anymore, it was just too difficult for them.

Okay, that’s how it started.  Needless to say, I was extremely upset, cried for days, talked to an attorney about wrongful termination, but hey, all the attorneys stick together.  He “explained” to them that he had not fired me, I just couldn’t work there anymore.

Well, God bless you bossman.  That was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  It took two years to get on disability which netted me the wonderful sum of one-sixth of my earnings, but heck, money isn’t everything.  My doctor was thrilled, he said now I could take the time to heal.  I started a water aerobics class at the Y.  I began to learn how to lessen the stress in my life, AND, I made a huge decision that would change the course of our lives.

I’m not one to sit around and wallow in misery for very long.  Yes, I was really upset about it because I had wanted to control when I would retire and that was taken from me, but that wasn’t all, my health was failing, but more importantly, my self-worth was in the gutter.  I was afraid for us, how would we make ends meet.  What would we do?

I had read somewhere that if you are not living the life you say you want to live, you must be lying to yourself.  I got to thinking about that.  What did I really want to do?  I had always dreamed of traveling the country in a beautiful, fully loaded RV, I had even mentioned it to my husband at one time or another.  So, I suggested to Doug, my husband, that we just go look at them, I had all the reasons why it would be less expensive to sell our house, take the money and buy an RV and travel.  The year was 2000, gas prices were still affordable. 

So, we just did it.  I knew it was the right decision.  We even bought it before we sold our home. But again, the year was 2000, we sold our home right away and off we went.  

In subsequent blogs I’ll talk about our 5 year adventure of touring the country, where we finally settled, and about the fact that I am pain free.

Yes, life if good and it just keeps getting better!

With love and light, Ellen

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1 Comment

  1. Elliott Teters

     /  February 17, 2010

    I look forward to hearing more of your adventure. I applaud you for following your dreams and not wallowing in your control-derived misery. I am hoping to learn that your fibro improved greatly by loving yourself and following your bliss.


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